Weigh-In: Week 8

This week went relatively well. On Father's day, we went out to hibachi and I tried sushi for the first time. It was...okay. It didn't kill me. I didn't hate it. Some of it even tasted...good. But the texture and the idea of raw seafood (I'm not very much into cooked seafood) still put me off and I probably won't seek it out any time soon. [OH! And there's a whole hibachi story involving polygamy that I need to tell in my next post, but this one's about my weight loss so you're just going to have to wait and wonder for a little while. Sorry. It's pretty good though, so you should stick around.] There was also an unexpected (by which I mean that I forgot about the plan, not that there wasn't a plan) cook out at a friend's house on Monday, where I may or may not have eaten some pie. Two slices of pie. Large slices of pie. On top of the hot dogs and bean dip and chips and "salad" that mainly consisted of carbs and cool whip. But I skipped the vanilla-ice-cream-on-the-side of said pie, so I did well, right? Otherwise, it was a pretty typical week.

While I am sure that a litany of what I ate and the guilt level associated with each bite is no doubt FASCINATING to you all, why don't we just skip to the stats:

Original Weight: 312.0 lbs
Today's Weight: 298.6 lbs
Week's Change: -4.2 lbs
Total Loss: -13.4 lbs

SO! That's far more exciting than last week, right? First of all, I truly believe the scale at my meeting was calibrated incorrectly, because I weighed in at home throughout the weeks and was consistently lower than anything WW had said. Also, a 4.2 pound loss in a week, while not impossible, seems unlikely.

Secondly, I am now UNDER 300 pounds. While that was not necessarily a stated goal with a date attached, it was kind of mathematically implied by the fact that my first goal is to be 16 pounds lighter than 312. Anyway, I'm really excited to be below that threshold once more and I NEVER plan to go back. I said that last time I dropped below 300, but I really mean it this time.

Lastly, I am back on track to hit my 5% goal by July 5th. That's the new goal to adjust for the meeting day change. And I know I said in my last post that I was too lazy to rewrite them, but I'm feeling energized by my success so I'm doing it now. I have this suspicion that none of you really care what the dates are or whether I write them out or not, but I'm invoking the "I write what I want" rule of blogging. As if I don't so that every time I open a new post. And like you don't invoke the "I read what I want" rule of blog reading no matter what I do. Whatever. I'm getting off track.

My goals (now adjusted for Fridays and other considerations):

• 07/05/13: 16 lbs lost (5% of starting weight)
• 08/09/13: 25 lbs lost
• 08/30/13: 31 lbs lost (10% of starting weight)
• 11/15/13: 50 lbs lost 
• 12/20/13: 62 lbs lost (20% of starting weight) -- added because November through February is a long time without a goal
• 02/07/14: 75 lbs lost 
• 04/11/14: 93 lbs lost (30% of my starting weight) -- added because once you start counting tenths, you keep counting, I guess
• 05/02/14: 100 lbs lost (1 year from start) -- this one may be off by a week, but I like symmetry
• 06/27/14: 113 lbs lost (under 200 lbs)
• 09/03/14: 128 lbs lost (ultimate goal)

I also looked at the list I made originally to help me accomplish these goals and it made me smile when I remembered that I had put "get a job" on there and that I actually did! Some days, even in the midst of getting up and going to work every morning, I'm still struck by the fact that I have a job. Not a temp thing that will be over in a few weeks, not just something I'm doing to while away the time. I have an actual, real, live, they-pay-me-to-do-work kind of a job. And even with its quirks and concerning aspects, I am so incredibly thankful each and every day. I opened up my bank account the other day to check the balance before I paid my credit card bill and was instantly teary because a) there is money in the account; b) it's more than enough to cover the credit card bill and any other bill I need to pay before the next check gets deposited; and c) there will be another check--as in, the balance will increase. For the first time in more than a YEAR.

This kind of blows my mind every time I think of it.

Weigh-In: Weeks 6 & 7 (With Bonus Job Information)

Starting a new job is exhausting. I don't know if any of the rest of you are introverts like me (I have this completely unsubstantiated belief that the majority of the Internet is made up of introverts, because it's much easier for us to communicate when it's not face-to-face), but meeting a whole lot of new people, learning a new social system/authority hierarchy, and spending ten hours a day interacting with people are like the TOP THREE things I don't do well with and/or drain a lot of my energy. This is not an excuse about why I haven't been blogging, by the way, since I realize that no one but me cares about that. But it is the reason I haven't been blogging much in the last few weeks: I am drained. I am just tired. All. The. Damn. Time. I'm sure it will get easier as I adjust and make friends and learn to cope again, but after 20 months of laying around and being predominantly alone, this is a huge adjustment.

Also, my new office has oddly restrictive policies regarding the Internet and smart phones. As in, don't touch them. At all. When I type it out, it seems like it really isn't a big deal--when you're at work, you work; do personal Internetting on your own time; yadayadayada. But any time my phone vibrates in my purse (in my own office) I have this paranoia that someone is going to say something about it. That's how strict these policies are. And I know my anonymity makes it difficult for you to understand what my job is like, but I assure you that I am not dealing with any classified intelligence or anything else that would make a company wary of personal communications at work. It's just that my boss doesn't like smart phones. She calls them "an addiction with people your age." So. There's that.

I had this whole post written about my new job and the parts I like and the parts I'm worried about, but it came off so much more down than I meant it to, so I scrapped it. I guess the long and short of it is that this job is not exactly what I thought it was going to be, that my boss is more difficult that I thought she would be (not that she's reached the heights of Crazy Boss Lady or Big Jerk Boss Man, but there are...similarities), and the office has some personality dysfunctions that are worrying. So that's fun!

I'm working through it, because it is what it is and I desperately need the job, but I will admit to you that I haven't been all that happy with God lately. It's really hard to reconcile the facts that 1) He has placed me here and 2) His plans for me are good, with the fact that this is yet again a difficult place to work. I've had to deal with a lot of entitlement issues (like He owed me the perfect job with no problems and desks made out of candy and people who are exactly like Jesus because I've PAID MY DUES sitting on my couch all sad and lonely...or something) and I've been convicted again and again by the fact that I don't trust Him as much as I thought I did or claimed to do. If He truly is enough for me and the source of my identity like I say He is, then I need to let go of my plans for stability and comfort and go wherever He sends me--usually, the places that need His grace and His love the most are the least comfortable and the least stable. But, man is that hard. It's like I'm a work in progress or something. Who knew?

ANYway, here we are. Moving on to the business portion of the post. I've skipped TWO weigh-in updates, so that needs to be remedied. I switched to Friday morning meetings, since I now work Monday through Thursday (I'm working four ten hour days so that I can have Fridays off--one thing I DO love is that my boss is very flexible on when and how I get my hours in). This will throw off all of my weight loss goal dates, but I'm lazy and I don't want to go change them, so I'm just saying those goals are "the week of [insert date here]." Cool? Cool.

So, here are the stats for 06.07.13:

Original Weight: 312.0 lbs
Today's Weight: 301.2 lbs
Week's Loss: -2.8 lbs
Total Loss: -10.8 lbs

YAY! I hit ten pounds lost. I got a five pound sticker to put right next to my other five pound sticker! Hooray! Except. Look out for the other shoe; it's about to drop. The stats for yesterday:

Original Weight: 312.0 lbs
Today's Weight: 302.8 lbs
Week's Loss Change: +1.6 lbs
Total Loss: -9.2 lbs

Yeeeeaaaahhh... So that was fun! It was a pretty excellent cap to an already stressful and exhausting week. There's no reason I can find to explain the gain. I did not change my eating habits much--in fact, I was better at eating on a schedule, because I'm now at work, at a desk, on a schedule. Luckily, WW does not take back your stickers if you gain, because that would be mean and I would never go to another meeting again. But it still sucked.

I'm not sure I love the new meeting, because the new leader is kind of... unbending when it comes to talking about the program. I mean, she works for them, so she's got to give the party line and all that, but part of the amazingness of WW is that you can make it work for you. It's not pre-made food or a list of things you can/can't eat. It's about calories in and calories out and you figure out how to maximize that process for yourself. I guess she's just a little...judgier than I'd like.

The basics of this post is that A LOT of things are changing in my life right now. That may even be the reason for the weight gain--apparently stress can do that? Although, I just checked and the scale here at home says I'm right on track, so it could have been equipment failure? Whatever the reason, I'm sticking with the program because it's the best thing I've found and I don't want to be over 300 pounds anymore.

How have YOU been doing, friends? I could use some good news and some success stories. That's not to say I don't want to hear from you if you're struggling like me--we can hold each other up and it will get better.