If You've Never Seen LOST and You Want To (Or You Couldn't Care Less About LOST), This Post Is Not For You

I'm going to have to make this a quick post today, because I have somewhere to be in an hour. But I didn't want to lose the momentum I've built up over the last...er... two days. Um... Yes, well, moving ON.

As many of you know (it's pretty inescapable knowledge if you've been around this blog for more than five minutes), I recently quit my job and am living the life of luxury. If luxury means "all the free time in the world, but no income and the need to buy a car VERY soon..." As many of you also know, Sister is currently between jobs. This is a recipe for lots of fun, but also absolutely no productivity.

We've been watching LOST. I came into the show in the middle of the third season, when they took a really long mid-season hiatus and ABC did a few of those hour long shows that were really just all of the highlights of each season. I stayed loyal through all the rest of the seasons and will not say anything bad about the finale, even though others (Brother and Sister-In-Law included) thought it was less-than-spectacular. Then I bought all the seasons. Or I got them as presents. I can't remember. It's not important.

Sister has never seen the series, except for the occasional episode at Brother and Sister-In-Law's house when THEY were catching up on DVD. She's a bit of a scaredy-cat when it comes to suspense and the supernatural and--oh who am I kidding? I am, too. In fact, in college, a friend had the first season on DVD and tried to get me to watch it and I chickened out and didn't come back to it for over a year. So I get why she was reluctant to get into it. But now that the show is over and I can warn her about the scary parts, she's willing to try it.

We've been taking it a lot slower than our other TV shows on DVD, since it's a little suspenseful, can get wearing, and we don't watch it as the last thing before bed (this is a good plan for anyone a little fraidy like we are). We started the first season last week and we just finished it today.

Anyway, we were watching the pilot episode. And I was warning her right before freaky things would happen. And we got to the scene in the cockpit with the injured pilot. And I warned her that he was still alive and would gasp awake and scare her (I had also warned her about the copilot falling out of the cockpit door and almost knocking over Kate and Jack and Charlie), that the Smoke Monster would be coming around soon, and that the stupid pilot who stuck his head out of the broken windshield would be getting exactly what one would expect, to be sucked out of the plane and ripped to bloody shreds. She appreciated this.

Now, one of the things I really appreciate (and also simulataneously hate) about J.J. Abrams and his crew is that they really know how to end an episode in the exact wrong spot so that you HAVE to jump to the next episode or disk (or wait desperately for the next week, back when it was on air). Sister is unaware of this element of LOST.

As we all remember, right after they run through the jungle to get away from the Smoke Monster and Kate finds the bloody body up in the tree, everything goes black, the strange exploding musical note plays signalling the end of the episode, and the white letters spelling LOST flash on the screen. I turn to Sister and (to emphasize the cliff-hanger-ness of the show) say, "And that's the end of the pilot."

And then I start laughing hysterically. Sister looks at me odd. Gasping, I spit out, "Completely unintentional double entendre!" She looks puzzled. I point at the screen. "End of the PILOT?"

And this leads me to: Why can't I be this funny ON PURPOSE?


Terrible Twos & Things Roommate Should Already Know

Godson is over today. His mom works in retail, so her hours are variable and his regular sitter can’t always take him. So, when I’m unemployed, I take him about once a week or so. Today, she brought him over a few hours earlier than her shift so that we could hang out and eat lunch together.

However, Godson is having a week of the Terrible Twos. This is especially odd because he is usually such a well-behaved, sweet little boy and usually is content to play near us or sit on a lap while we catch up. Not so, today. Since he arrived at 11:00 am, he’s had two time outs, a quick swat (what my mother always calls Shock Pops, since they don’t hurt at all, are very quickly administered, and serve merely as a warning and a redirection of attention), and is now napping, earlier than usual. We're into the whole bending-the-knees-refusing-to-stand-failing-to-listen-defiant-and-grumpy-and-clingy phase. I think it might be a growth spurt or a flu bug, but it doesn't really matter. We've still got to deal with the behavior. Which is not always fun for Auntie Elise (all of you moms out there are laughing at me and rolling your eyes. I can totally see you; don't think I can't!). I’m hoping to get this post done before he wakes up and we go for Round Two. We’ll see.

Yesterday, I posted Roommate’s answers to my Sunday Meet & Greet Survey, which I hope served as a good introduction to one of my favorite people. Today, I thought I’d attempt to answer at least some of the questions she posed. It all depends on Godson, really, and today is probably not the best day to test that. Oh well. Here we go:

My questions to you (whenever you feel like it, add your reasoning behind your answers)

Question the first: Out of the states that you have yet to visit, which is your favorite?
This is a ridiculous and silly question, but I will answer it as best I can. Since I was a little girl, I have always loved Colorado. Except that I have never been there. I think it’s because one of my childhood friend’s had relatives there and would go visit and have a great time and came back with wonderful stories, so I always wanted to go. Also, I think the Carolinas hold a certain appeal. But to be honest, I would love to visit most of the states I have never been to. With the exception of maybe Kansas or Arkansas, because I’ve been told all kinds of (probably stereotypically untrue) things about how boring those places are.

Question the second: What is your favorite spot in the entire world?
I’m kind of in love with Roommate’s Uncle’s beach house that we stayed at in Hawaii (minus the tiny ants that I went all ninja on). But more than likely, if there was any place in the world that I could choose to be at any given time, it’s tucked into the corner of my awesome purple couch with a good book and a blanket. Although I am rather partial to being tucked under my Papa’s arm on my parent’s couch watching educational TV. It’s just so… soothing? comfortable? It’s just so right.

Question the third: Coke or Pepsi?
Pepsi. Diet Pepsi, actually. But definitely Pepsi. In fact, Roommate… I’m kind of offended you even had to ask…

Question the fourth: What is your single favorite memory from college?
Funtain Diving, hands down. Someday, I will blog about Funtain Diving. But every time I try to write it, I can’t quite capture the essence of the ceremony and tradition. That's just the favorite, though. I really enjoyed the rest of it, too. Especially the times we lived together (without Liar). Those were pretty awesome times.

Question the fifth: What is your favorite flower?
Alstroemeria? Or maybe Crocus? All I know is that I love flowers, especially colorful and good smelling ones. I’m not really picky about which ones, as long as they are beautiful and arranged nicely. This will either make it very difficult or very easy for my future husband. Maybe someday, I’ll develop a favorite…

Question the sixth: Orange or black?
Orange. Again, I am a little annoyed you’d have to ask. ALWAYS COLOR! Especially the warm colors like reds, oranges, and yellows.

Question the seventh: Give me your best explanation as to why the sun is yellow (your answer is encouraged to not be scientifically sound).
The sun is yellow because God knew that we would all be looking at it every day to judge time, to seek light, to find warmth, and to produce food for us. He understood that yellow is one of the most pleasant colors he had created and wanted use to enjoy everything about the sun. He’s also a very good designer and knew that the yellow complimented the blue of the sky, the reddish-brown of the earth, and the green of the plants. It’s all about coordinating colors, you know.

OR! The sun is really made out of molten nacho cheese and that’ why it’s yellow. Because really hot nacho cheese is yellow, not orange. This whole “the moon is made out of cheese” thing is just plain ridiculous. Wallace and Grommet got it wrong. The moon would be a very dry, crumbly, dusty, yucky cheese that smelled bad. If it were made out of cheese. But it’s not. We ALL know it’s powdered sugar. Duh. So yeah. The sun is yellow because it’s made of nacho cheese. Is that non-“scientific” enough for you, Roommate?

Question the eighth: What is one place outside of the United States that you have never been that you would like to visit for three months?
Costa Rica. If I wasn’t allowed to be an American anymore (which would be a really interesting set of circumstances, since I’m such a law-abiding line-toer and everything), I would move to Costa Rica and build a bungalow in the jungle and drink wine and salsa dance and eat slightly spicy food on the back deck every night for the rest of my life.

Question the ninth: who decided the order of numbers?
I’m going go with either the Romans or the Martians. Either way they were friggin’ brilliant. What I have ALWAYS wanted to know is who put the letters in order? I mean, the order of the numbers has ACTUAL significance because of, well, you know, the COUNTING part of numbers. But the letters? Their order only matters when you put things in alphabetical order and even then, it’s only alphabetical because someone SAID SO! Who was that???

Question the tenth: was that person brilliant or just finding a way to ease his or her OCD?
I have no answers for this. I mean, yes, brilliant. Probably also OCD. But maybe it’s because of the combination of brilliance and mental disorder (can you call an compulsive need for order a mental disorder?) that makes this so hard to answer. Because if I were making up a way to count things that had to start from scratch and put them in order, it would never get done because I would not know where to start. So, yes? Hmmm…

And there’s the murmur of a wakeful toddler. I’d better go get him before he decides to climb the bookshelves or something. I mean, he’s never done it before, but he’s having an off week… No crashes yet, though. So I guess that’s a good sign.

Until next time, remember to spay and neuter your pets. No, wait, I think that’s someone else’s line… Anyway, have a nice day or something, okay?

UPDATE: Godson is still asleep. But I swear I heard him. Either I’m going crazy (likely), he woke up and fell back to sleep (highly irregular), or he murmurs in his sleep (unknown). But now I have time to fold that other load of laundry and maybe even empty the dishwasher. Look at me, being all domestic! 

UPDATED THE SECOND: Satan's Cat just climbed a high shelf and dumped an entire box of her toys all over the floor. A box of jingle bells and rattle balls and Mylar crunchie things. Which of course made a giant crashing noise loud enough to wake the dead, let alone a toddler. While I was silently running after her to grab her and tell her a very stern but quiet "bad kitty," I stomped on one of the jingle balls, busting it in a raucous fashion, injuring my foot, and almost swearing loudly while toppling into other furniture. So much for that laundry getting done (I mean it! I can totally see you mothers snickering with glee! Knock it off!)... 


I Haven't Died; Here's My Roommate

I could offer all kinds of excuses about why I suddenly fell off the map for the lat few weeks (they might include extreme laziness, crappy Internet, TV on DVD, lack of things to day, or a combination of all four), but I think we all recognize that the reason doesn't really matter. But I am back. I promise! I think. As long as the Internet service holds. And I don't get sucked into another episode of LOST. Or Psych. Or The Office. Or Castle. No, DANG IT! I'm back. That is all. Forget the rest, will you? Moving on.

Since I'm so out of bloggy practice, I thought I would take this opportunity to use someone else's words as a cop out introduce you to a friend of mine. You've heard me talk about Roommate, right? I've done it occasionally... Okay, she has her own label. But that's only because she's so awesome.

Well, Roommate has started her own blog, where she uses her real name (GASP!) and talks about family and soccer and life in general. She calls it Cleats and Flip Flops. I think it's a brilliantly clever title. And it's not because I'm biased or anything... Anyway, Roommate was catching up on this here blog the other day and sent me her answers to my ridiculous survey. I thought her answers were funny and interesting and--

Hold on, I'm eating really crappy cereal and it's getting in the way of my typing. Just give me a sec... Okay, I'm back. Blech. That as not really what I needed. But now I have a cup of coffee, so things are looking up. Wait, where was I? Ah, yes. Roommate.

As I read Roommate's answers, I realized it sounded a lot like a get-to-know-you interview. And what better way to introduce you to my bestest friend in the whole wide world than to use her own words against her?

Okay, so I asked permission before I posted this. But it's more fun to think about it the other way. Anyway, without further ado... 


1. Are you married or single? Or even trying to be married or trying to be single?
Single but trying to be married…kind of…
2. Do you have children? If not, are you planning to? If yes, how many do you have and do you ever want to give one or more of them away? (I may or may not be in the market)
No children yet…planning on having them some day…not planning on giving any of them away…unless they prove to just be too annoying
3. What is your favorite day of the week?
My favorite day of the week is Friday because I have a chance to feel productive. There is a shared it’s-almost-the-weekend mood in the office and Fridays hold all the promise and opportunity of the upcoming Saturday and Sunday.

4. Tell me one obscure thing about you--something that makes you unique or special or different or weird.
I am freakishly obsessed with soccer. But you knew this already.

5. If you could change one small thing abut the world, what is it and why? Not like "world peace" or anything. More like "I wish every body always brushed their teeth" or "I would eliminate all dryer lint."
In addition to a test to get your driver’s license, there should be a test to prove that one is not stupid. This will be a practical test, not a written test on which you can cheat. Topics covered will include but are not limited to: when not to ride your bike into oncoming traffic (an actual event will be put in place where one will have to make this decision under pressure) and when to cross the crosswalk of a major expressway against the signal at 10 o’clock at night wearing all black clothing (again, non-stupidity under pressure will be tested)
6. Who is your favorite blogger? (I'm not fishing for compliments here, I'm looking for new material and/or getting to know your taste) Also, do you blog and am I reading you? Because I should be.
YOU are my favorite blogger! Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are the only blog I read besides sports blogs…
7. Tell me your BEST childhood memory. OR? Tell me your EARLIEST childhood memory. Or both.
Best and earliest childhood memories are two VERY different things. My earliest memory is on my 3rd birthday where I apparently ate too much cake and threw up all over my entryway hall (luckily it was tile and not carpet!) 

I had a very good childhood so I will choose from a veritable bank of good memories. My “BEST” childhood memory would be when my mom would give me a bath and shampoo my hair and shape it into a cone on my head! My hair was very long.

8. Do you tweet? Do I follow you? Do you follow me?
Yes. I think so and I think so.

 9. What do you value most? This is vague on purpose.
Playing really well in a really good soccer game.

10. When you fold your hands, which thumb is closest to you, left or right?
My right. Does that have some kind of secret meaning? For example, am I going to die earlier than those who have their left thumb closest?

* * * * * *

My questions to you (whenever you feel like it, add your reasoning behind your answers)
Question the first: out of the states that you have yet to visit, which is your favorite?
Question the second: what is your favorite spot in the entire world?
Question the third: Coke or Pepsi?
Question the fourth: What is your single favorite memory from college?
Question the fifth: What is your favorite flower?
Question the sixth: orange or black?
Question the seventh: give me your best explanation as to why the sun is yellow (your answer is encouraged to not be scientifically sound)
Question the eighth: what is once place outside of the United States that you have never been that you would like to visit for three months?
Question the ninth: who decided the order of numbers?
Question the tenth: was that person brilliant or just finding a way to ease his or her OCD?

Tune in next time when I attempt to answer all of Roommate's questions. Oh, and totally go visit her blog. She's pretty awesome and your life would be better for it. Promise.


Beautiful People For No Reason

I've been unemployed for exactly a week now. So far, I have nothing to complain about. I'm sure that there will come a time when I am missing the paycheck and get bored at home all day--though the latter will take much longer than the former. But for right now? I'm just loving the ability to sleep in and do lunch with friends and relax a little. Like the vacation I so badly needed and never could have asked for.

Since I have been watching copious amounts of television while I've been home, I've been thinking quite a bit about beauty. I could go on a whole post about fallacies in advertising and how our TVs are always trying to sell us something (both in the commercials and in the programming) and how (regardless of the actual product being shilled) the object can usually be boiled down to just a couple elements: beauty, sex, wealth, power, success, etc. Those topics are all true and worthy to talk about. I could also go into the cultural standard of beauty and how television has made it impossible for ordinary women to feel good about themselves. But really, I'm going to go much simpler than that.

I just wonder what it's like to be beautiful. Now, before you take off your party hats and try to exit the pity party without notice, just stop for a moment. I'm not complaining about my looks. I'm not trying to get you to compliment me and tell me I'm beautiful (which would be quite a trick, since none of you have seen my face). I'm not saying I'm ugly. I have symmetrical features and clear skin, so it's not like I'm hideous or deformed or something. I'm just ordinary. I have parts of my face and body that I hate with a passion (if I were rich and didn't mind pain, I just might cut off my nose to spite my face... or at least to get a nose) and I also have parts of my face and my body that I think are pretty good. So this is not self-aggrandizement. This is more of a wonderment-thing. And if any of you get that obscure reference, you can be my new best friend.

So. Where was I before my preemptive rant? Oh. Yes. Beauty. So I've been watching a lot of television and we can all agree that most people on television are beautiful. Even those women who are playing the dowdy/nerdy/shy/whatever role that requires us to believe that they cannot get a date or have any friends or get a job (because our faces MATTER!SO!MUCH!), but really all they have to do is take off their glasses and let their hair down and suddenly they're Heidi Freaking Klum. Even the "ugly" girls are actually beautiful! And this has gotten me to thinking. What would it be like to be beautiful?

To be movie star quality beautiful (whether or not you actually are a movie star). To be so stunning as to have people actually stop what they are doing just to take in how gorgeous you are. To turn heads just walking down the street. To have romantic attention from practically anyone in a ten foot radius. I wonder what that would be like. Even though the movies have taught us to believe that it's so hard to be beautiful and people never leave them alone and no one loves them just for who they are on the inside. I still wonder if it's really that difficult. Because the movies have also taught us that it's the beautiful girls who get the guy and the high-paying job and have the best parties and own the fanciest clothing, etc. (You can see how I might be confused) Plus, there's a kind of power in beauty like that. To use just your face and hair (and maybe your body) to influence people. You don't even have to speak and people respond.

I wonder about actresses especially. Do they know they're beautiful? Probably, since they've sought a life in the spotlight. Were they always beautiful or did they kind of grow into gorgeosity (yes, that is not a real word... sue me)? And how does that affect how they view themselves? Do they only see their own flaws? I imagine Hollywood can do that to some people. But do a lot of them look in the mirror and leave satisfied or even happy with what they saw? What would that be like?

[I feel like I need to reassert that I'm not looking for a pity party. This should be read in a slightly wistful, but mostly "scientifically" interested tone, not in a I-WANNA-BE-BEAUTIFUL-SO-PEOPLE-WILL-LOVE-ME kind of way. Just to reestablish that...]

I'm not saying I hate what I see in the mirror--this face belongs to me and I would be hurt if anyone else insulted it, so I should refrain from that, too. But there are more days than not where I kind of shrug at my reflection and think "this is the best it's going to get today." But for these women (even non-famous beautiful women), they actually enjoy spending time in front of the mirror? That's just kind outside my realm of thinking. 

And maybe they don't. Maybe they feel just as average as everyone else. But I find that hard to believe. Because if you spend your whole life with people telling you that you're beautiful and with people treating you like you're beautiful, doesn't that sink in and become part of who you are? And if that's true, how does that feel? How does that dictate your actions? How you interact with other people? How you go about shopping? 

This post is going nowhere. Just in case you were wondering what my conclusion was going to be. I have none. I'm really just wondering. And I don't know that anyone can answer this for me. I think it has to be experienced, especially from a young age. So, I'm pretty confident that I will never know. And I'm not sad about that, either. I'm not wishing for a different face (much...), but it's something that's been on my mind for a few days and what better place to purge it than on my blog? So these are truly some random musings. Feel free to muse about random things (beauty related or otherwise) in the comments.

And I guess you could apply this same type of questioning to any trait. For some one of average intelligence, the questions might be about geniuses. Do they realize their brains work ten times faster than most? What must that feel like? Or about wealth: What would it be like to be able to have anything you wanted, no waiting or saving, just go out and buy it? And I suppose people can attain beauty the same as they attain wealth, through plastic surgery and other cosmetic means. But I'm not sure that's the same thing I'm asking about. Because we can often tell the fakers from the natural beauties and it usually matters to us... Again, going no where.

So to recap: I'm unemployed, I watch too much TV, I wonder about beautiful people, and I have no point. How's your week going so far?


How I Quit and Then Got "Fired" and Then Didn't Care

Hi guys! I know I’ve been incommunicado this week. No, I didn’t get lost on my way home from retreat. I’ve just been dodging lemons and the bruises they leave. I think I even caught a few and am in the process of making lemonade (I think I have just killed that metaphor, but I’m not going back and changing it now). Anyway, life’s been weird and crazy and good and also awful and surprising and… You know what? Here’s a timeline of what’s been going on in my life for the last week and a half, for your edification.

Monday, 9/26/11:

  • I resign from the oppressive soul-sucking borderline mental health issue that I called my job.
  • The Jerk (my boss) accepts my resignation and the October 14th effective date.
  • This day becomes known, the world over, as All Quitter’s Day.

Tuesday, 9/27/11

  • I go into work, even though I wish that Monday had been my LAST DAY.
  • Coworker decides it’s time to clean out two giant file cabinets, but that it’s my job to trek to the dumpster with the piles of paper while she sits on her chair pulling the paper out of the drawers and dropping it on the floor for me.
  • I make seven trips to the dumpster in my heels, trying not to curse her.
  • I get a call for a job interview for a position I applied for over a month ago and had written off. I schedule the interview for 4:00 pm on Wednesday, because that’s the latest they can do it.
  • Coworker puts up a stink about how SHE has to go meet her cable guy at that time and we can’t leave the office empty.
  • I tell her I’m going anyway and she can figure it out—The Jerk is out of town all week, so she can leave, too, and the office will be fine. The day ends at 4:30, anyway, so CALM DOWN.

Wednesday, 9/28/11:

  • I trudge to work again.
  • Coworker isn’t really speaking to me, but she does send me a passive-aggressive e-mail in list form of all the things she needs me to do before I leave.
  • Most of these things are her job, but she is too lazy or incompetent to do them and thought she’d use me as slave labor.
  • I attempt a few of the tasks, but in a slightly passive-aggressive manner (i.e. when asked for “step-by-step instructions” for one of my duties, I draft it so that a monkey could do the job).
  • I leave early to make it to the next town over for my interview.
  • Coworker smiles and waves and wishes me both a good weekend (I'm leaving for retreat the next day) and good luck on my interview. FORESHADOWING ALERT.
  • I go to the crazy interview.
  • I go to Youth Group, then I stay up until 1:00 am packing and writing a blog post about the interview (which I think I schedule for 8:30 am on Thursday, but I actually schedule it for 8:30 am on Friday because I am SMART!).

Thursday, 9/29/11:

  • I get up and finish packing, then we pile into the car and begin the 4.5 hour trip to the retreat.
  • We stop for lunch and I eat a burrito the size of my head. This is not important to the story, except that it was a REALLY GOOD burrito!
  • I check on the blog post to make sure I'm not a schedule spaz and realize that, yes in fact I am. I publish from my iPhone with on extended coverage, which is FUN! Not.
  • I enjoy the evening session and the worship and the fellowship.
  • I fall asleep to the dulcet tones of three women snoring in a slightly smelly cabin.

Friday, 9/30/11:

  • I wake up at 6:15 in order to get a somewhat warm shower, in which I pretend not to be creeped out every time the nasty shower curtain gets stuck to my leg.
  • I eat whole wheat pancakes for breakfast. They are pretty yummy for being so healthy, but that may have had more to do with the syrup and whipped cream on top of them…
  • I enjoy the morning session and the worship and the fellowship.
  • I go to a workshop on Bible memorization and the facilitator quotes the entire book of Philippians from memory in under fifteen minutes, making the letter from Paul to the church at Philippi more real than I have ever read it.
  • I sit amazed.
  • The Jerk calls my cell phone. It silently vibrates in my hand. I figure he’s butt-dialing me.
  • I determine in my head that I will not be answering this call, but before my face can convey that, Sister grabs my phone and throws in on the floor far away from me and says, “He can call back.”
  • I smile.
  • A while later, Sister hands the phone back to me. There is a call, a voicemail, and a text from The Jerk. Plus a call and a voicemail from my friend who works next door to my office. For a moment, I wonder if the office building burned down (I do not hope, just wonder... GOSH, do you think SO LITTLE of me?)
  • The text says, “Elise, I accept your resignation effective immediately. Please come in on Monday to turn in your keys and gather you things.” I am confused, since I thought we already did this.
  • I call the friend. She has no idea what The Jerk is up to, but she said I was on her heart and she thought she should call me. This makes me smile. But I am still worried.
  • I call The Jerk back. He doesn’t answer. I call him a while later and he says that his text said it all and he cannot tell me why any of this is happening.
  • I get an e-mail from another work friend asking me what I did. Apparently Coworker has been using my vacation to tell everyone in the building that I have “done something terrible,” that I’m “not the person they thought I was,” and that she couldn’t really talk about it, but that I know what I did.
  • I freak out a little SO MUCH, but I try to focus on the retreat.
  • I get an e-mail asking me to interview for a job I applied for in July that I was pretty sure I was unqualified for and never thought I would hear back on, but that I really wanted. I am excited and I feel like I’m on a roller coaster.
  • I hate roller coasters.
  • Later, I dress like a pirate and eat fried chicken.
  • Someone inadvertently tries to light the building on fire with the votives on the banquet tables. Sister-In-Law’s sister stomps out the fire. No one is hurt.
  • We take pictures as pirates.
  • I enjoy the evening session, the worship, and the fellowship.
  • I get a voicemail from the same friend who had called earlier, telling me that she ran into The Jerk and he told her that he had to "fire" me because he “found out some things about me" and something about "I cannot believe she calls herself a Christian and would do that” something similar.This. Feels. AWESOME.
  • I freak out a little more.
  • I go to bed and sleep terribly.

Saturday, 10/1/11:

  • I wake up and shower with my eyes closed so as not to anger the gods of the slimy shower.
  • We pack most of our things.
  • We go to the last of the workshops, then the last session.
  • We finish packing and pile in the car, only to stop ten minutes later for mediocre Chinese food. I am sad it is not better Chinese food. My fortune claims that I am about to find my lost treasure. I eat another cookie that claims I'm about to get my luck back. 
  • I am wary of trusting baked goods.
  • We drive home in a deluge of rain and we can see that it is snowing just slightly up the mountains, so we pray we get home safe. We do, although Sister may have the stress hunchback forever.
  • Sister and I spend the rest of the night watching The Office and I try not to think about how angry and betrayed and confused and annoyed I am.

Sunday, 10/2/11:

  • I get teary at church a few times because I cannot believe that Coworker would say these awful things about me, especially since I have been incredibly kind and compassionate to her (even when I didn't want to be nice, I was).
  • Sister and I go to lunch at Red Robin with my parents, my pastor, his wife, and his son (who is also a pastor) and we have a really strange conversation about the movie Untamed Heart.
  • I spend Sunday trying not to think about my life.

Monday, 10/03/11:

  • I go into work, turn in my keys, gather my personal things, and finish the paper work.
  • No one will tell me what I’m supposed to have done wrong.
  • The Jerk will not answer his phone.
  • I have been banned from the computer, so I cannot even send my goodbye e-mail.
  • Everyone, including other bosses, tells me that they know me and know that these rumors are not the truth. Some advise me to get a lawyer. I feel a little better, but SERIOUSLY? Why does this need to happen at all???
  • I go home and watch many, many hours of The Office while playing board games and doing puzzles with Sister. Because. Why not?
  • The Jerk finally calls me back, denies everything I have heard, dodges every question, and tells me I am “an unhappy person.” He also claims that his reasons for letting me go early are “personal and confidential” and refuses to tell me anything.
  • I am done with this job.
  • Thank the Good Lord.

Tuesday, 10/4/11:

  • I go to my interview for that really cool position and it goes really well, but I have no idea how many other people had really cool interviews, too.
  • If they like me, I go in next week for a second round.
  • I go to lunch with Sister and Mom and then spend most of my day watching TV and eating things I shouldn’t (not like light bulbs and batteries or anything, just, you know, junk food) at Mom’s house while Sister applies for jobs.
  • We clear out our DVR of all the unwatched shows from the last two weeks. Then more of The Office.
  • We stay up till 2:00 am. Because I have no reason to get up at a normal hour any more.

Wednesday, 10/5/11:

  • I woke up at 10:00 am today with absolutely no where to go…
  • Life is good.

UPDATE: We’ve decided to go eat Monte Cristo Sandwiches the size our heads. And if you don’t know what that is, I not only feel sorry for you, but I’m not sure I can allow you to continue reading this blog. Because I’m pretty sure if you won’t eat one, you’re too classy for me and I don’t want to drag you down to my level.