Last night, Satan's Cat kept me up with all kinds of evil escapades. I had to use the squirt bottle half a dozen times and I almost shot the flat screen TV she was trying to climb. Don't worry, Sister, I didn't do it. It was 4:00 am and I was half asleep and half enraged, but I found my good sense about a second before I could do any lasting damage to your TV. Or your cat. But the cat may not be so lucky next time. Fair warning.
To make it an actual fair warning (since Sister is not a regular reader), I also warned her via text that her cat may end up in soup before her trip is over. She didn't seem to take that well... Sister and I have been in a texting frenzy, since she just got to her second leg of her journey, which includes seeing my gorgeous and talented baby niece. That's if the shuttle bus driver doesn't kill her first... And I'm still not jealous about her ability to snuggle the baby without me or the fact that she's somewhere sunny and warm while I am dying a slow death in the lair of Satan's Cat. I'm not jealous. At all. So stop looking at me like that.
Also, due to unforeseen circumstances, my boss is not in town today. Which means I have my job for one more day. Sometimes, I feel like I'm being melodramatic about this whole situation and that I'm probably going to look silly when I don't lose my job. But then I remember that I'm on probation for no reason whatsoever and have not had any contact with my boss in over a week and my blood pressure starts to rise once more.
What all of this ends up meaning is this: I'm exhausted, worried, frazzled, not jealous, lonely, and scratched up. What all of that ends up meaning is this: I'm struggling to come up with a topic for this blog post. You would think, after almost 400 words, this post would be about something. But it’s not. Because I'm not really a planner. Oh, I so badly wish I were a planner and a list-maker and a list-crosser-offer. But alas, I am not. I have no follow-through. This blog is the most follow-through I have ever exhibited in my personal life (How is it that I can manage to have follow-through at work and in school, but not in my personal life? Is it just that I like eating so much that I push past my ingrained laziness to continue receiving my paycheck? Probably...). Seriously, you should look under my bed--I have stacks of pretty journals with less than five entries in each and shoeboxes full of unfinished art projects. Actually don't look under my bed. It's embarrassing and dusty under there. And there may be an evil cat lurking there, waiting to tear the flesh from your face. So, if nothing else, Satan's Cat is a good security system...
Ooooh, I might have a post idea! (at only 500 words). Nope. Never mind. I am not a planner, remember? So I have not uploaded the photo of my nightstand for Kim to my Picasa web album yet. Which means I don't have it with me to put on the blog. So maybe tonight? Two posts in one day, to make up for my lameness in writing a 600 word post about nothing? We'll see... You know, follow-through and all that.
So, I guess I'll just leave you with the best news I've had all week. Are you ready for it? Are you sure? Okay, here goes: The Sarcasm Goddess (in all of her wisdom, artistic ability, and general awesomeness) has deigned to bestow an award upon me (upon myself?). You are now reading the blog of a bona fide Alligator Wrangler. That's right people, when the Alligator Apocalypse comes (because, let's face it... the zombies know we're on to them and are now falling back to re-strategize the demise of the human race. Plus, we may have discovered that bagels are the key...), I will be standing at the front lines, sharpened shovel in hand, slaying the alligators and any other golf course ruffians I have to in order to protect my friends and family from a horrific and swampy end. Or something.
So, now that you've been doused in my Twittering nonsense that just may save the world, I bid you adieu until the morrow. Or until I decide to post that picture and make Kim happy. Whichever comes first. And whichever comes before the Alligator Apocalypse, at which point I will have a shovel, not a computer. And shovels are really hard to blog with.