This Is A List For No Reason Whatsoever

1.   Today, I’m going to cop out and post in list form.

2.   Although, I don’t know how much of a copout it really is, since all the bloggers I like, who do it and call it a copout, usually generate a funny list that I enjoy. But whatever.

3.   I ordered a latte today from my favorite drive-up coffee kiosk (do you all have those where you live? Because my town is full of them) and, even though I ordered a 20oz and paid for a 20oz, I received a 16oz. That may or may not have been made correctly. I made a sad face all the way to work.

4.   This was not the first time they’ve done this to me.

5.   This was not even the first time in the past week. And I would talk to the management about this, but the owner is the rudest of all the baristas and I think she might hate me. Which means I may have to find a new coffee stand.

6.   I’m a confrontation avoider. I can tell by all of your shocked faces that I have excellently hidden this personality flaw. It was time to come clean and begin to heal. I apologize for my behavior and am seeking treatment.

7.   I’m not actually seeking treatment of any kind. But it seems to be the thing you say to avoid taking responsibility for any of your indiscretions. You don’t even have to actually get any treatment. You just have to seek it. Or something...

8.   Sometimes, my job makes me want to kick puppies. And I will never do anything about it, because of #6. Maybe I should seek treatment.

9.   I unexpectedly ran into my father on my way to lunch, which was a really nice treat. He’s kind of an awesome guy. He made the puppy-kicking urge fade considerably.

10. I had Chinese food for lunch today, which is completely unacceptable on WeightWatchers. But it’s okay, because I now feel gross. So, point taken, WeightWatchers. Well played.

11. I take issue with poor grammar. I won’t call myself a grammar snob, because I’m sure I do things incorrectly all the time and will call all kinds of negative attention to my flaws if I do. But basic mistakes, repeated and even flaunted, cause me physical pain. Cringing, tense pain. The Internet can make the world a scary place for me. For my mental and physical health, please brush up on heterographs.

12. I miss Roommate. This is not necessarily new or interesting information. But it’s true. Roommate, if you’re reading this, call me. I miss you.

13. I joined Twitter this weekend. I’m still not quite sure how to work it, but I’m putting myself out there. Plus, I’m following my favorite bloggers and they are hilarious!

14. I had an eye-opening experience yesterday that I may or may not write about tomorrow. I can’t seem to find the right words yet. But my heart feels just a little different.

15. This number intentionally left blank.

16. I will never understand why drivers find it necessary to pull out in front of me (to the point where I have to slam on my brakes) and then go five to ten miles under the speed limit. And yes, I know they are just limits, not requirements and blah blah blah whatever—I have places to get to, people! And I imagine that you do, too. Or you wouldn’t have pulled out in front of me instead of waiting the six seconds it would have taken me to pass by since there was no one behind me. Your all-fire rush is the reason for your ass-hattery, yes? But obviously NOT, because you don’t even go the speed limit in your rush. So why? WHY?

17. I fear that some questions I have for the universe will never be answered to my satisfaction.

18. Sister and I are going to a WeightWatchers meeting (and a weigh in… CURSE YOU, CHINESE FOOD!) tonight and the grocery shopping. Because our house lacks food. Not in a “we’re going to starve or have to eat the cat” kind of way. But in the “I had Chinese food for lunch and cheated on the plan because there is nothing to put in my cute, insulated, polka dot lunch bag that will make any sort of healthy meal” kind of way.

19. And she just texted to ask if I wanted to go to my favorite restaurant to have one of my favorite (mostly healthy) meals in between the meeting and the shopping. This is one of the many reasons why I love Sister.

20. She also just texted me a picture of the aforementioned cat snuggling on her lap on the couch. While I am stuck here at work. This is one of the reasons Sister will get the angry eyebrows when she comes to pick me up.

21. The building I work in is undergoing an extensive remodel right now. And we continue to work here. So the hammering, banging, screwing, machining, back-hoeing, and beeping are going to drive me out of my flippin’ bird.

22. Last night on TV, I heard the phrase “snoring is not sexy.” I also heard the phrase “no one wants to be bald!” And “body fat is unattractive.” I’m not entirely sure why it bothers me, but I don’t like it when TV stops being subtle and just tells me what to think. I’m sure marketers are paid a ton of money to tell me subliminally that everything is wrong with my body, home, and life so that I will buy their product. I don’t like it, but I respect the effort that they put in. And then someone goes for the completely obvious (not to mention commonly known) dig that says, “Your life is so bad that we’re not going to waste the time trying to change your mind without you knowing it. We’re just going tell you straight up that you suck.”

23. Twenty-three seems like a respectably random number on which to end the post.

a)   Except, I wanted to ask you all a question (in many parts). Do you have questions for the universe that you fear will never get answered? How close have you gotten to the answer? Are these questions on the same level as why drivers are such ass-hats? Or are they more like why do bad things happen to good people?  Or alternately, more like how many [insert profession or group of people here] does it take to change a light bulb?

b)   Also, have you had any eye-opening experiences lately? I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours. Except that I will probably tell you anyway. Tomorrow.