Self-Consciously Self-Obsessed

I've been writing this blog for a few weeks now, less consistently than I would like, but still more regularly than I thought my goldfish-like attention span would allow. And I've found something out about myself. I'm not really that interesting. Or I am and I just don't feel interesting. I don't know. This blogging thing can get very self-involved, which is something I already struggle with. But it can also force me to look outside myself for things to talk about that other people might want to read.

Now, so far, I'm not sure I have any readers except for Roommate (and maybe just that one time). But someday I might. And everything I post takes me ten times longer than it should, because I over think it and doubt myself and wonder who would ever want to read about my life. Okay, and it partially takes so long because I think my laptop and my spastic Internet connection are going through a rough high-school-style break up, where they constantly make up between really horrific fights, but that's a song for a different musical. Wait. With the rambling, I got a little off track. Falling back and regrouping...

What I'm trying to say is, this blogging thing is harder than I expected. It has also been a lot of fun so far. And I think it will be good for me to learn that I do have things worth saying and my voice is worth hearing, despite Crazy Boss Lady's best attempts to silence me or turn me into someone else. So in some ways, maybe this is therapy for the latent self-doubt left over from a really terrible time in my life. At the same time, I think it will also be a good chance for me to get over myself, because, seriously? Self, it's a blog! A blog that no one is even reading. And it's not like you're giving out the secret key to the Universe or expecting to cure cancer with you very words alone, so just write it already! Say what you need to say, self, and then have some fun with it. Why do you take yourself so damn seriously? No one else does!

So, this post maybe took a strange turn I wasn't expecting, but in the spirit of the previous paragraphs, I'm going to post it without too much analyzing or over-editing. I'm putting myself out there. In more ways than one. Because I just discovered a way to get maybe one reader that is not Roommate to my blog. It's the Lady Blogger Social Tea Party and it's the best idea I've heard of in a long time. I get a chance to have someone read my stuff and maybe not reject me (or also maybe reject me and I'll get over it), plus I just found two new blogs that I can already tell that I'm going to love. One Sister's Rant has a great post today about a three mile journey for coffee. And The Girl Who Never Gets Hit On is a lot like me. Because I never get hit on (Remind me to tell you about the one time I did get hit on and then got hit, too... Like slapped. Hard. With bruises). She's only a few days into her blog, so if you're here, please also go there.

And also, if you're here, welcome! [Redacted: twelve rewritten, over-analyzed, self-doubting comments about hoping you like my blog and/or me] Please come back tomorrow, when I think I'll tell the story about the time I got slapped.