Self-Consciously Self-Obsessed

I've been writing this blog for a few weeks now, less consistently than I would like, but still more regularly than I thought my goldfish-like attention span would allow. And I've found something out about myself. I'm not really that interesting. Or I am and I just don't feel interesting. I don't know. This blogging thing can get very self-involved, which is something I already struggle with. But it can also force me to look outside myself for things to talk about that other people might want to read.

Now, so far, I'm not sure I have any readers except for Roommate (and maybe just that one time). But someday I might. And everything I post takes me ten times longer than it should, because I over think it and doubt myself and wonder who would ever want to read about my life. Okay, and it partially takes so long because I think my laptop and my spastic Internet connection are going through a rough high-school-style break up, where they constantly make up between really horrific fights, but that's a song for a different musical. Wait. With the rambling, I got a little off track. Falling back and regrouping...

What I'm trying to say is, this blogging thing is harder than I expected. It has also been a lot of fun so far. And I think it will be good for me to learn that I do have things worth saying and my voice is worth hearing, despite Crazy Boss Lady's best attempts to silence me or turn me into someone else. So in some ways, maybe this is therapy for the latent self-doubt left over from a really terrible time in my life. At the same time, I think it will also be a good chance for me to get over myself, because, seriously? Self, it's a blog! A blog that no one is even reading. And it's not like you're giving out the secret key to the Universe or expecting to cure cancer with you very words alone, so just write it already! Say what you need to say, self, and then have some fun with it. Why do you take yourself so damn seriously? No one else does!

So, this post maybe took a strange turn I wasn't expecting, but in the spirit of the previous paragraphs, I'm going to post it without too much analyzing or over-editing. I'm putting myself out there. In more ways than one. Because I just discovered a way to get maybe one reader that is not Roommate to my blog. It's the Lady Blogger Social Tea Party and it's the best idea I've heard of in a long time. I get a chance to have someone read my stuff and maybe not reject me (or also maybe reject me and I'll get over it), plus I just found two new blogs that I can already tell that I'm going to love. One Sister's Rant has a great post today about a three mile journey for coffee. And The Girl Who Never Gets Hit On is a lot like me. Because I never get hit on (Remind me to tell you about the one time I did get hit on and then got hit, too... Like slapped. Hard. With bruises). She's only a few days into her blog, so if you're here, please also go there.

And also, if you're here, welcome! [Redacted: twelve rewritten, over-analyzed, self-doubting comments about hoping you like my blog and/or me] Please come back tomorrow, when I think I'll tell the story about the time I got slapped.


  1. Elise, blogging will not only get easier, but also more fun as you continue to write and say what's on your mind. Good for you for joining the LBS and putting your blog out there! And regardless of what you may think, we all have something interesting! You're in the process of finding your voice and that's where writing will help. Thanks for the shout up, by the way! I'm so glad you liked the post! As for your readers, now you have another one--me! :)

  2. Thanks, Bella! Is it weird that I almost cried when I saw the 1 instead of a 0 next to "comments"? Because I did. By the way, I've added you to my feedreader and to my blog links over on the side. I love your stuff!

  3. Hey, to begin with, one has NO IDEA who is reading her blogs. It's tough. Just let go. Be yourself. People will start to read.
    Good Luck!
    Popping in form Lady BLogger.


  4. Thanks, Kim! I'm working on the letting go and being myself. Hopefully, this will make it easier. :) Thanks for stopping by. And I think your blog is wonderful!

  5. Because I totally get you...because I want to know I have an audience...because I want feedback...because I struggle with the same things...I am now a follower. You might want to check out the Red Dress Club too, it has really helped me.

  6. Welcome to the bloggy world - it's all about over indulgent self-involvement. You're going to fit right in! And allow me to say, you DO have something interesting to say. I've read two of your posts and both held my cricket-like attention span spendidly! (the real question you should be asking yourself is, whose attention span is shorter, a goldfish or a cricket?) When I first started blogging, I freaked out if anyone read my posts and then I freaked out that not enough people were reading. And now that people ARE reading, I freak out. Apparently, in addition to self-obsession, blogging is also about freaking out.

    One little tip if you're interested in gaining more followers: Move the follow button up from the bottom of the page - make it easier for people to find, like on the right sidebar "above the fold."

  7. Writerly, you totally made my day! I'm now a follower of both you and the Red Dress Club.

    Goddess, I love your stuff and I'm glad to have you here! Your advice was really helpful and I've been fiddling with my blog design ever since, so thanks!