CAPSLOCKTRAINWRECK

Today was a weird day. And usually, this kind of weirdness would make for excellent blog fodder. Except that this weirdness is SO WEIRD that I’ve been asked to keep it confidential. And not like, “Hey, Elise… Could you, maybe, keep this between us?” kind of confidential. More like “This is a legally binding confidentiality agreement that stops just short of you SIGNING DOCUMENTS saying as much.” So… this whole paragraph just served the same purpose as me holding cookie in front of your nose and not allowing you to eat it. That was… unkind… and not entirely intentional. Sorry.

 BUT! On my way to do the thing I cannot tell you about even thought I really want to, something weird happened that I CAN tell you about. I stopped for some food (this is not the weird thing, please be patient). At Wendy’s. And while that was a bad decision (hey, it’s Tuesday, what can I say?), especially if I want to stop looking like an Oompa Loompa, it is ALSO not the weird thing. The weird thing was that the car ahead of me contained none other than the Conniving Ladder-Snatcher of a Former Co-Worker and her incredibly stupid and co-dependent dog named Buddy (seriously, he goes EVERYWHERE with her, including work, where he sits sadly in her car all day waiting for her to come back and LOVE HIM OH GOD PLEASE LOVE HIM!).

And the thing I was on my way to do, the weird thing I can’t talk about? WAS ABOUT MY LAST JOB! In a rather roundabout way and I’ve probably already said too much, but it was really WEIRD! I haven’t seen her since my last day, during which she said less than ten words to me and tried to pretend she hadn’t thrown me under the bus with my former boss. And then, out of the blue, I have to go do this THING, this THING I can’t tell you about but wish I could. This THING that relates to her and my job and ALL THE THINGS I CAN NEVER TALK ABOUT. This thing I was not looking forward to DOING. Which is already weird, the way THAT all came about. And then? WHO HAPPENS TO BE AT WENDY’S? Victimpants McLiarson, in the flesh. Fleshy flesh.

Luckily, I don’t think she saw me. Because at the last second, I allowed a truck to go ahead of me, so there was a VEHICLE BUFFER between us. But it was STILL WEIRD. And there is no way she could have known what I was on my way to do. And it’s not like she would have gotten out of her car and tried to make conversation with me or anything. NOTHING would have happened if she had seen me. She probably would have pretended that she HADN’T seen me. And I’m completely overreacting and I am AWARE and I am overreacting. But STILL. IT’S JUST WEIRD, RIGHT? For me to see her on the SAME DAY as this other THING? Maybe? Slightly odd? Somewhat notable?

This blog post has gone nowhere. Or, nowhere good. At best, none of this makes sense to anyone but me (and even then, I’m not so sure). At worst, I just breached an ORAL CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT or something equally terrible. Except you have no idea what I’m talking about. SO…. Anyway… I’m just going to go whistling in the opposite direction of the Internet and pretend I did not just create a CAPSLOCKTRAINWRECK on my blog.

How’s your day going?