Learn Your Rules, Learn Your Rules...

I live my life by certain rules. I have a moral code. I try to spend my money wisely and limit my amount of debt and use credit only for specific types of things. I change my underwear everyday. I also have these rules. But some of the most important rules I live by are these:

1. There are two (2) acceptable combinations of ingredients used to make PB&J sandwiches (there will be no mixing or matching, trading or intermingling, substituting or eliminating) and two (2) ONLY:
  • Wheat bread, chunky peanut butter, strawberry jam.
  • White bread, creamy peanut butter, grape jelly.

2. Socks should always be worn with tennis shoes, NEVER with sandals. If it's too chilly for your feet, don't wear sandals. 

3. My bedroom door stays open all day, including the times I might nap. But before I go to sleep for the night, the door must be shut and latched. This could be easily explained as a noise cancellation measure. But really it's a prevention tactic against THE BAD GUYS. Because my dead-bolted front door didn't stop them, but my painted plywood bedroom door WILL.

4. The back/inside jacket blurb of the second book (or any subsequent books) in a series must not even be GLANCED at until I have finished the one before it. The same goes for previews of shows, if I have not seen the most current episode. And forget about skipping to the last chapter. No. Way.

5. Underwear goes in the top drawer of a dresser. Shirts go in the next drawer, then pants, then pajamas. ALWAYS. In the kitchen, it goes: silverware in the top drawer, gadgets/measuring cups in the next, then plastic baggies/cling-wrap/foil, then dishtowels and wash cloths. This is the way it MUST be.

6. Whatever candy, whether it's M&Ms, Skittles, gummy bears, or anything else that comes in rainbow colors, the red ones must be eaten LAST.

7. The shower must run for at least two minutes before I step in, in order for it to warm properly. I don't care if that's not "eco-friendly," I do NOT like cold water spraying me in the face first thing in the morning. Or any other time of the day, for that matter.

8. Brownies are not brownies if they have nuts in them. They are some kind of unfortunately crunchy and simultaneously gooey chocolate travesty of a dessert. But they are NOT brownies. They must not be CALLED brownies.

9. My headlights must always be on when the car is in motion. The parking brake must always be on when the car is in park. Neither are required by law where I live, so many people do not do this, but I do. Often to the consternation of family members who borrow my car and forget to check the brake (sorry, Mom!).

These are just some of my rules. What are some of yours?

Today's Word Count: 0 (because I did so much yesterday?)
Monthly Total: 16,536


  1. No nuts in brownies!!! Very important rule! Turn the light off and more importantly the fan when you leave the bathroom! White liquids, semi-solids can be consumed, but not touched (milk, cream cheese, sour cream). Butter and salt are the only things that belong on popcorn, anything else and it is not popcorn. Sweet tea MUST come with lemon. Mayonnaise is a spread, not a dip. Don't even think about calling me before noon.

  2. metacognitivethoughts11/10/11, 11:18 PM

    I was just thinking today "how many people keep their underwear in the top drawer of their dressers?" Because yes that is how it must be and how it has been and how it will be forever and ever. It doens't make sense any other way.

    I live my life by quite a few rules I think that the one that gives me the most strange looks is the milk rule which is actually like five rules. Milk is only to be drunk at my house. Milk must be 2% and come from a plastic container. Milk must be purchased and then put into the refrigerator, there must not be any other stops between purchasing milk and home. The handle of the plastic contianer must be cold when the milk it poured. Milk can not touch water, not "blued" down, not poured over ice, not in a rinised out cup.

  3. Sarah Pearson11/11/11, 1:01 AM

    Dinner is dinner and pudding is pudding. Fruit is pudding. Do not put it on my dinner. Not apple sauce, cranberry jelly, nothing.

  4. Your PB&J rules are very different from mine. I like both kinds of breads, but really? Creamy peanut butter is just... lacking. And while I know they are the 2 most popular flavors (as evidenced by their appearance at every restaurant ever), I do not like either of those jam/jelly choices. In fact, I went on a mini-rant about these things here: http://beanonparade.blogspot.com/2011/09/pb.html

    I will eat your brownies with nuts, because once again... nuts are good and give textures. I will consent to calling them choco-nutty bars to appease you.

    It makes NO SENSE to put your under things in anything BUT the top drawer...

    Cold water is bad, very bad, but I think there should be some... learning as to how fast your particular shower heats up. My husband will let the water run from 2-5 minutes. This wouldn't bother me if I didn't KNOW beyond a reasonable doubt that the water got hot in about 30 seconds. I KNOW because I tested it!

    My bedroom door stays open unless I'm naked. Even when sleeping... unless I'm sleeping naked... but if I am, then the door would really only have to be shut if we had guests, in which case, I probably wouldn't be sleeping naked... it's not as complicated as it sounds

  5. Yes to the lights/fan. I have no feelings about dairy. Yes to the popcorn. Really, really no to the tea with lemon. HELL yes to the mayonnaise (who does this?!). I don't mind calls before noon. Any more than I mind calls at all, which I always think I *want* to get, but am usually annoyed when I have to answer the phone. For no reason at all. I mean, I answer the phone for the reason that it is RINGING and I must make it stop, but I get *annoyed* for no reason at all... You get me, right?

  6. I think your milk rules are funny. I used to ALWAYS drink 2%. Until I joined WeightWatchers and could have more of it if it were skim. So I got used to it. Also, watered down or iced milk is a travesty and SHOULD NOT BE DONE. The other things I have no opinion on, but I can understand why they are important to you. And I guess the whole handle thing is just good sense, because if the handle is warm, the milk will be, too. And that's just gross!

  7. HA! The funny thing is, I don't even latch the door when I'm naked, because it's only Sister in the house and I know where she is and how quickly I can cover up--I might swing the door somewhat closed, but we rarely have heiny-sightings around here, so I think my method works. It would make more sense just to latch the door, but I never do...

    And my shower does usually take that long to get warm. Although sometimes I get distracted and let it run for longer than I should. And then I usually scald myself because I ALWAYS overestimate how cold it will be because I HATE COLD WATER.

    And I appreciate your semantics change on my behalf. It's the right thing to do and I applaud your valor...

  8. I agree with you about the dresser and kitchen drawers. I also have this strange...practice...dunno if you'd call it a rule. I try to rotate things as their used. For example when I do laundry, say my daughter's laundry. When it's time to put it away I want the newly clean clothes put away UNDER the clothes already in the drawers. I do the same thing with dishes. IDK why, I just want everything to get used equally.

  9. ... Is it sad that every single one of thses is the exact same for me?