In Which I Make Zero Sense, Anger Moms and Pet Owners, and Become a Bad Babysitter

Godson is over today. He's currently napping, which makes this a perfect time to blog. If only I had anything remotely interesting to say. This would probably be a better time for me to nap, as well. I don't know how the mom bloggers do it. I guess if I had him all day every day, I would have a space set aside for him to play by himself, instead of having to watch him like a hawk because the house isn't baby proof and we have a few breakables. Luckily, most of those are up high, due to Satan's Cat. Come to think of it, having Satan's Cat is a lot like having an unruly toddler around all the time.

Oh, hold onto your angry words, mom bloggers. I am not comparing my cat to your baby. I know they are nowhere near the same thing. In fact, I HATE it when people call their pets their "babies" because no. Just no. That is a dog. You may bring it with you everywhere, strap it into a special seat in your car, and feed it only the organic whole grain crap-in-a-pouch that you find in the refrigerated section at the grocery store (!), but it is REALLY just a DOG. I know you love it (I love my pets, too), but it is NOT A HUMAN. It can survive without your constant attention. Whether you can survive without giving it constant attention is another thing entirely.

But if we're talking about sheer destructive power, I think my cat might be able to wreck more than your average toddler. Sure, she doesn't have opposable thumbs (oh how badly she wishes that weren't true), so things like permanent markers on the walls is out of her depth (I think...). But she can climb higher than a two-year-old and has uncanny aim when smashing valuables. Plus, when was the last time your toddler poked holes in all the bags of bread in your house and waited for all of it to go stale and/or moldy? Toddlers may be destructive, but Satan's Cat is nefarious.

Anyway, this was not supposed to turn into MY CAT CAN BEAT YOUR KID kind of argument. I'm just saying that feline-proofing your house is very similar to child-proofing. She will eat anything paper or plastic, so the floors have to be kept pretty clean or she'll choke. That's pretty useful to have already accomplished when Godson comes over.

I am very off track. I had just planned to tell you about my morning with Godson. And to compliment you moms on how you get it all done and still manage to blog without someone spilling orange juice on your keyboard (I would hesitate to type that because that hasn't happened yet and I wouldn't want to jinx it, but we don't have any orange juice in the house, so I think we're safe). But instead of complimenting you, I somehow got in an argument with you. Let's start over, shall we?

Godson is over today. He's currently napping, which makes this a perfect time to blog (heh... I'm a VERY literal person). His mom had to work the opening shift, so she brought him over at 9:00 am, still in his jammies. We watched two episodes of Little Einsteins, which I chose over Dora because. Well, because Dora drives me nuts! Listen, I love knowing how to speak Spanish and I plan to teach my kids from an early age. But probably without Dora's help. So I chose Little Einsteins, thinking it might be more educational and a little less obnoxious. Go ahead, call me a Noob. Who knew that climbing the Matterhorn was as simple as three switch backs? I would have done it years ago! And the little blond girl that starts all the songs? GAH!

Well, the kid loved it and seemed to understand more than I thought he would. So I shouldn't complain. But then there was Mickey Mouse Club House. Does anyone else HATE Mickey's voice? I don't remember him being so obnoxious when I was that age. But maybe the high-pitched sing-songy thing common on kid's shows today was something I just didn't notice back then? Finally, I shut off the television (under the guise that "it's not that good for him" but mostly because I couldn't hack it anymore). I changed him into real clothes (an adorable button-down and dark jeans, because him mom is awesome like that!).

Then we played with some new animal toys I had bought him. A few weeks ago, I had bought some from the Target "See Spot Save" section for $2.50 a piece. A lion, a zebra, an elephant, and a giraffe.

They scared the bejesus out of him!

The end of the elephant's trunk was red, as was the inside of his mouth. And Godson kept saying, "No! HURT!" and backing away with his hands over his mouth in fear. I finally had to hide them from him to get him to take his bath. I took them back the next day and was kind of bummed that I had no kid toys at my house for him. A few days after that, I found similar (but friendlier) ones at a CRAFT STORE of all places for $1 each. So I bought an elephant, a giraffe, a lion, a tiger, a zebra, and a hippo. More toys, less fear, and for $4 less. SCORE.

We played with these for a while and then we colored. The power went out and we talked about the "broken" lights. The power came back on and we KEPT talking about the broken lights, which were no longer broken. We ate lunch--he can be a picky eater, but I got him to eat an entire thing of blueberry yogurt and some crackers, so I'm calling it a win. We crawled around on Sister's bed playing peek-a-boo with the covers. I "threw" him in the air to land on her pillows. We played with the animals some more. We talked about how all of them had tails and ears and eyes and noses. We made the noises. We talked about their colors and spots and stripes and teeth (which were vaguely scary to him, but I think I have him convinced that they don't "bite," they "kiss."). We bashed them together, we threw them on the floor (we threatened to take them away), we played nicely again. We went down for a nap.

And all of this is probably incredibly boring to you and I don't blame you. I love the kid and enjoy spending time with him, but these activities are not exactly high on my priority list. The only reason I'm listing them out is that it is 1:00 pm and he will be up from his nap soon and I AM OUT OF THINGS TO DO WITH HIM!

Help me, please? I've got some playdough. Is two-and-a-half old enough for playdough? If I watch him REALLY closely? And on the bad/good babysitter scale, where does taking him out in the snow without snow pants fall? I mean, he's got boots and a winter coat. But probably no gloves. And definitely no snow pants. So probably on the "bad" end of the scale, right? Because freezing a child is a bad decision... Okay, how about sitting him in front of the television until 6:00 pm. Also bad? Hmmm. Maybe we will go for a drive somewhere. Like the LIBRARY! Libraries are good for kids, right? We'll pack him in the car and-- Wait. Nope. The scary treacherous Snow Anxiety will probably send me right over the edge if I have to worry about my bones AND the bones of a toddler who doesn't belong to me. I think we'll be staying home, thankyouverymuch. So, um, playdough?


  1. You are too adorable. I kind of wish you were my kid sister so we could hang out and eat ice cream, and you could come to me for advice on life and love and watch my kids all the time, and they would love you because you would be their fun aunt. Yeah. I don't have any sisters, can you tell? I do have a brother. OH! And he's single!

    Ahem. Sorry. I came here to give you babysitting advice (see what a good big sister I would be?). The truth is kids don't care WHAT you do. All they want out of you is attention. Non-parents always feel like they have to fill the day with fun activities but honestly what they're going to remember in ten, fifteen years is how you always made them their favorite sandwich with no crust, or how you let them watch as many cartoons as they wanted, or how you read to them with funny voices, or how you let them go through your purse or your photo album or play games on your phone. Just the normal boring stuff.

  2. Sarah Pearson11/14/11, 11:52 PM

    Well, I'm too late as usual but I'm with Alyssa. They just love everyday stuff - saucepans and plastic tubs :-)

  3. This sounds amazing! I want you to be my big sister and I ALREADY have one of those. But she's so awesome and having her around has been so amazing, that I think having another one would be GREAT! Plus, I make a terrific aunt. ;)

    And we did just fine. I've been babysitting mot of my life and I know all (or at least most) of the tricks. And I know that you're totally right. But I still get caught up it the BE! THE! BEST! BABYSITTER! OF! THEIR! LIFE! idea. But he's two-and-a-half. He probably won't remember anyway. We played playdough and sang songs and danced and ate dinner (more yogurt... geez this kid is picky--or I need to grocery shop...) and snuggled. It was great, like always.

  4. I gave him a cardboard oatmeal cylinder, a plastic coffee can, and a plastic jar to bang on once and he just looked at me like I was crazy and ran off to chase the cat. But cats are "everyday stuff," right? Well, THIS one isn't. But *normal* cats are, right?